In China, we named the first year marriage as “paper wedding”, it meant that a couple married with a certificate, and the marriage between them is official and legal. However, the relationship in the first year is as thin as a paper. In fact, once it goes to marriage, the relationship becomes different.
I started to say “we” and “us” instead of “me”.
I moved to England because I have promised to my husband no matter where he is, I will follow his steps and be with him. Words are simply and easily to be spoken, now I know. Life is difficult, and now I know.
Marriage made me a wife. I have more responsibilities because I can no longer be lazy and not to prepare meals. Thinking back to my past, I don’t cook, kitchen is the spot I don’t step into. I am very grateful that I have a good mother. Also I could afford eating out when I didn’t live with my parents. In this new country, as a foreigner, I can’t just order takeaway or eat out everyday. For this year, I learned how to cook, that’s a reward of my first married year.
Relocation made me lack of confidence. For 5 years, I climbed from an assistant to a manager, and I’ve build my career path smoothly in China. It turned out that I can hardly be an assistant or even a trainee in England. I am so frustrated and desperate. I don’t have anything here except my husband, that’s what I have been repeating so many times in my daily life and try to express my feeling in a strange area. I felt useless and lonely here.
The dark side
Only slice of courage at a moment, you are able to decide to marry someone you love (Actually, many girls kind of push the boys to committee). But for a marriage, you have to make effort through the whole life. Therefore, love is romantic while marriage is solemn. There is a huge difference between dating and marriage, dating always magnifies his or her virtue, on contrast, marriage enlarges someone’s shortcomings. Before married, my parents tolerate mine as I am the only child. As a result, my flaw explore vividly when I moved to my husband.
Since we had long distance relationship before, we didn’t live together. Maybe that’s the reason why I will be not pleased some time. I have my temple even because of one single tiny thing. But thankfully my husband is patient and gave me enough tolerance. It’s an adjustment period filled with conflicts and misunderstandings, we have arguments a lot provided that we are not together so often. His job makes him travel a lot, and visa setted us apart. On the other hand, we accomplished our wedding, we bought our own house, we finally be together. There are so many new things and achievements this year.
A year can be divided into 4 seasons, 12 months, 52 weeks, 365 days, 8760 hours, 525600 minutes and 31536000 seconds. It’s not about the time that we spent, it’s what we have done for making this paper thicker and this relationship more stable. We have both tried hard, and to be honest, I can see I am growing up and changing, it’s slow, but improving. As I said, if someone makes you to be a better you, he or she is the one, and my husband is the one who make me a better me.
We got through many obstacles and overcome the language difference, culture difference, even food taste difference. For this year’s learning, as to me, marriage is the life combined with someone I love, and this love changed from romance to responsibility and habit. Not only is marriage a statement, but it is also wisdom. No matter how many disagreements and fights, we don’t give up. Instead, we learn how to love a person unconditionally, we practice to be a good husband, a good wife, a good partner and a good friend.
For you, a thousand times over.
To memorize my paper wedding, august 2016.